Specialization

I spent a lot of time and money making this way of life a reality. I relinquished my apartment, sold my car, and gave most of my belongings to Goodwill. I left friends and family behind.

Ostensibly, the trip was designed to give me the time and motivation to develop myself as a musician and a performer. Alone on the road, with no distractions and no income save what my music could bring in, I imagined a musical life, interrupted only by new friends and walks with my dog.

So far, I have become an expert in stealthy overnight parking. I can walk in anywhere and use the bathroom without buying anything. I can go a week and a half without a shower and not look or smell homeless. I know the difference between regular and premium in my gas mileage. The stress on my system has wreaked havoc on my intestines, so I now have a wealth of knowledge about every OTC drug for vomiting, gas, bloating, cramps, constipation, diarrhea, and nausea.

Is this the learning curve? Am I simply acclimating to a radical lifestyle change? My sickness so far has surely interfered with my music. I’ve lost days at a time, huddled under covers watching a world walk by my window. Pedestrians and traffic both blissfully ignorant of two tiny eyes watching from behind translucent curtains.

This is not the life I envisioned. I knew it wouldn’t be glamorous, but I was hoping for a bit more romance than this. At least a Polaroid has some aesthetic to it; this is more like a still shot from a grainy security camera. Do I need to reconsider? Is my plan a failure?

Certainly, I’m not learning all that I planned to learn. In a way, I have gained specialized knowledge I could never have anticipated. Yes, I’m feeling a bit adrift. I hold out hope that all this will gel into something cohesive in the future. For now, look for me washing out my underwear in a rest stop and nursing cups of coffee for hours at a time in Starbucks. Life on the road!

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One thought on “Specialization

  1. Follow your gut honey. No need to push through something that is, at this point, uncomfortable. It is okay to rethink. It’s okay to stay on your path, and okay to change, We all love you and support you!

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